From: Raven <nwraven@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, May 14, 2010 at 12:20 PM
Subject: [MedicalConspiracies] [united_military] why i take the bus from Jonathon (OT)
To:
| Subject: | Re: [united_military] why i take the bus |
|---|---|
| Date: | Wed, 12 May 2010 16:30:54 -0400 (EDT) |
| From: | jonathonjoseph@aol.com |
You can take your $10 disposable camera or $100,000 of expensive video equipment, wait and wait for the rest of your life, and chances are that you will never get pictures like these.
Airline Announcements
United flight attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
*************************************
On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something
We'd like to have. '
*************************************
'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
This airplane'
*************************************
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship
Into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the
first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give
them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad
landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that
Someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off
except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
***************************************
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice
came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella, WHOA!'
*******************************************
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis , a flight
attendant on a Northwest flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the
overhead compartments because sure as hell everything has shifted after a
landing like that.
************************************
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal.'
*************************************
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas,
on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the
Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing,
The flight attendant said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain
taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
***********************************
'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments.'
***********************************
'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses...except for that
gentleman over there.'
*****************************************
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City.The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump,
and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault,
it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
****************************************
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with,'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the crew
have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the
tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door
and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
****************************************
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of US Airways.'
****************************************
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light
'em, you can smoke 'em.'
****************************************
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortablecruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, '
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight
Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is
good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.
Now sit back and relax... OH , MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes,
the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am
so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant
accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of
mine!'
THUNDERkeep ur knees in the breese
![1fkzg-102-1]()
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